Imagine meeting Andrew Yeung at a networking event and he introduced himself like this:
🎧 Listen to the article.
“I grew up in China for more than 20 years, then moved to the USA in 2020 to work for Facebook. When I landed in NYC, I had no network, and the COVID mass exodus drove everyone out of the city. So I had to build my own. Over the next three years, I DM’d people on Twitter, LinkedIn, Reddit, and cold-emailed folks in the city, inviting them to my dinners. The eight-person dinners grew into 50-person happy hours, which grew into 1,000+ person tech parties. That’s how I built my network and audience. Today I do five things: occasionally, I invest in early-stage startups.”
Read his full post here.
Now imagine if he had just said: “I’m a venture capitalist.” You’d probably forget him by the end of the night. A title is flat. A story of how he built his network from scratch? That’s unforgettable. (I actually wrote about Andrew in an earlier article on making your LinkedIn profile pop. You might remember him from there.)
This mistake isn’t just for LinkedIn posts. I’ve made it myself in real-life networking. At my first event, I introduced myself as “Mastercard’s Lead Security and Monitoring Response Analyst.” By the time I finished, the people across from me had glazed-over eyes. That was the first and last time I ever introduced myself that way.
Thankfully, I learned. Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People and Leil Lowndes’s How to Talk to Anyone became my guidebook. Months of testing introductions at networking events taught me what really works. You also want to check out the books mentioned by the brilliant Straits Times reporter Stephanie Yeo in her article on introverts over the weekend.
Keep reading to hear the embarrassing mistakes I made when introducing myself and how I finally figured out the right way to join a conversation.
1. Give people a memorable hook instead of your full job title
At networking events, my favorite people-watching game is “Spot the Feds,” or spotting government officials. They almost always huddle off to the side, avoiding eye contact with strangers and sticking close to colleagues because that is the only group where they feel safe. It’s not that they don’t want to talk. They’ve been told their work is “secret,” so the first question, “So, what do you do?” trips them up, and they’d rather avoid the discomfort of answering it.
I know that feeling all too well. I used to work for the Ministry of Defence, and just thinking about that question gave me so much anxiety that I sometimes considered skipping networking events entirely.
Here’s the thing: this question is tricky for almost everyone.
- If you’re in government, you can’t say much because your work is sensitive.
- If your job feels mundane, you worry it’ll sound boring.
- Even if your role is fascinating, reciting your title usually lands with a thud.
My anxiety eased when I realized the real goal isn’t to give a full job description. People want a quick label they can remember and a doorway to continue the conversation. That’s it. If you can’t share much about your work, answer briefly, then pivot to something that keeps the conversation alive.
Use a personal story when your work is difficult to explain
One trick is to pivot from your title to a personal story. Here’s what I usually say:
“I worked at the Ministry of Defence for more than a decade. But after two deaths in my family last year, I realized life is short. Everyone has roughly 900 months on earth, about 75 years of good health. I’m already a third through mine, my parents two-thirds through theirs, and every Chinese New Year with my grandma is a bonus. I didn’t want to be chained to a desk five days a week and miss weekday meals with her. That’s why I changed jobs.”
Notice what happens here. One short story opens at least three natural threads for conversation:
- “You’re close to your grandmother?”
- “How has job flexibility worked out for you?”
- “Did the change meet your expectations?”
Turn the attention over to the Other Person
Another tactic is to turn the spotlight on them. I like to say:
“I used to work at the Ministry of Defence, but it’s clearly not as exciting as what you do.”
This works because people genuinely love talking about themselves. A Harvard study found that when the listener encourages someone to share more, the speaker ends up rating the listener as more interesting, even if the listener barely says anything.
The lesson is simple: don’t just answer the question. Give people something to latch onto, and open the door for conversations that actually matter.
2. Zoom in on the most interesting part of your job
Don’t be comprehensive. Zoom in on the most interesting part.
One thing my former boss drilled into me: the first few lines of a report are prime real estate. If you don’t hook people immediately, they won’t stick around for the brilliant stuff later. Introductions work the same way.
Instead of leading with your title, start with the bit that makes people sit up and listen. For me, I say:
“The sexy part of my job? I still work with the government even after leaving it. Twice a week I meet with law enforcement to help find operational leads or experts that can solve cybercrimes. Did you know that SingPass, Singapore’s national digital ID system, runs on a network we helped build?”
See what this does? I’ve told a mini-story that naturally sparks conversation:
- Someone could ask about working with law enforcement: “Wait, you sit with them twice a week? What’s that like?”
- Someone else might be curious about Mastercard’s role in digital identity: “Wait, SingPass runs on your network? No way!” That surprise alone can open a whole new thread of conversation.
Each reaction gives your conversational partners a natural way to join in and keeps the conversation flowing.
3. Enter a conversation with a simple question
Now that you’ve nailed your introduction, the next challenge is stepping into a conversation that’s already in full swing. I used to hang at the edges, thinking, “They look deep in discussion… I’ll just wait.” But I quickly realized waiting gets you nowhere. Some networking breaks only last 30 minutes. You either eat, run to the bathroom, or talk. I don’t waste a second anymore. I grab any opening and dive in, even if it’s just with a small, casual question.
Ask a question, even if it’s not “smart”
I stumbled on this trick by accident. Two people were pointing at the aircon and I went up to them and ask, “Should I get the building manager to turn down the temperature?” They laughed and said, “Nope! We’re from Surbana Jurong, discussing infrastructure automation.” My totally wrong guess? Perfect icebreaker. I pivoted to recent projects I’d read about Surbana Jurong, and just like that, I was in the conversation.
Praise someone genuinely
After one event, a woman came up and said, “You did such a great job emceeing! I work in cyber scam education, and I can spot a good storyteller. You kept everyone hooked.” That compliment led to a conversation about how she entered scam education after her mom got scammed, and suddenly we were having a real, engaging discussion.
Wear something eye-catching to make it easier for strangers to start talking to you
I usually hate dresses, but wearing one that reminded people of the Singapore Airlines’ sarong kebaya drew strangers in. (I get them from Future State.) I’ve had people come up to me and say: “I’ve been admiring your dress for the last two days!” For introverts, this works like magic. It pulls people to you instead of forcing you to awkwardly shove yourself into a conversation.
This trick comes from Leil Lowndes’ How to Talk to Anyone. She calls it the “Whatzit” technique: any unusual object you wear or carry, a quirky pin, an interesting bag, or a funny hat, that sparks curiosity and gives people a reason to approach you. She writes:
“Your Whatzit can be as subtle or overt as your personality and the occasion permit. I wear around my neck an outmoded pair of glasses that resembles a double monocle. Often the curious have approached me at a gathering and asked, ‘Whatzit?’ I explain it’s a lorgnette left to me by my grandmother, which, of course, paves the way to discuss hatred of glasses, aging eyes, love or loss of grandmothers, adoration of antique jewelry, anywhere the inquisitor wants to take it.”
I’ve seen it done perfectly by Bamboo Builders, a scam education outfit. At one networking party, they wore a brown detective-style trench coat, and in just 15 minutes, three different people came up to talk to him, all drawn by the coat.
Closing
As the saying goes: “You never get a second chance to make a first impression.” So don’t waste yours on a job title.
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